Turning Yourself Around

Have you ever gotten turned around? You’re on an unfamiliar road, you don’t recognize any landmarks, you realize that you are lost, and your GPS stops working, saying “recalculating, recalculating”, over and over?

This time of the year, especially, when we listen to our inner GPS, our inner map of the world more intently, we awaken to the sound of “Recalculating, recalculating” as a message to our souls.

The pages of the calendar have turned, and we have arrived at the month of Elul. The Shofar calls out to us to awaken from our sleep, to the spiritual work of returning, to who we truly are, to who we have been, to recalculate and recalibrate our direction, towards aligning our soul with who we are meant to be.

According to the Midrash, Moses ascended Mt. Sinai on the first of Elul in order to receive the second set of the Ten Commandments. Since Moses remained on the mountain for forty days, the sages identified this whole period, from the first of Elul until Yom Kippur, as a period of Penitential prayer and repentance. (Pirkei de Rabbi Eliezer 46)

Our rabbis teach that the letters of the word “Elul,” [alef-lamed-vav-lamed] has the numerical value of the word binah, understanding. Through understanding comes Teshuvah (repentance), as it is written (Isaiah. 6:10): “And understanding with their heart, return, and be healed.” (Siddur Rabbi Yaabetz)

Those same four letters are also interpreted as an acronym for the words Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine”, from Shir Hashirim,The Song of Songs 6:3. The entirety of The Song of Songs is understood as an allegorical description of God’s love for Israel. So, in the rabbinic imagination, the month of Elul is the prime period for reconciliation between God and Israel. “If Israel will long to turn in a complete Teshuvah to God who is in heaven, then God’s longing will go out to them, and Israel’s Teshuvah will be accepted.” (Mateh Moshe)

Although at other times, God, the divine Beloved, reaches out to us, it is during Elul, that we have to initiate the relationship. It all starts with the ani, the “I”. Elul offers us the opportunity to reflect on who we really are, who we have been, and the possibilities of who might become.

Debbie Friedman, the late Jewish singer/songwriter/teacher, beautifully expresses why this is so difficult: “At the cost of abandoning our inner essence, our pure souls, most of us have chosen to protect ourselves with walls and barriers. Often, these not only keep dangers out, they also keep joy out; they keep our selves out. Teshuvah is coming home to the truest self, to, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I wasn’t myself.” It is an opportunity to peel off the façade and uncover the games we play in an effort to hide our most pure and vulnerable. Essence.”

Those same letters of Elul spelled backwards give us the word “lulei”, meaning “if not.” Psalm 27, which is traditionally recited daily during Elul, includes the phrase, “Lulei he’emanti”,”had I not believed.” In Psalm 27:13, Lulei is about looking back – and what might have happened (in a negative sense) “Had I not believed that I would look upon the goodness of Adonai in the land of the living…” The Psalmist doesn’t complete the phrase with all of the negative possibilities, instead offering direction, “Wait on God. Be strong and of good courage. Wait and hope in God.”

In Elul, we look backward and forward so that we can move closer to who we really are. We acknowledge our mistakes and ask forgiveness. We draw closer to the divine Beloved, and we wait and hope in God. We look forward with a new vision for the New Year, looking at our life, our world, our praise of God from a new vantage point. We are once again reminded that every day we wake up to a new set of possibilities, and a new chance to connect to God. We turn ourselves and our souls around.

Reflections for Elul:

1. What are the elements in my life that I’m ready to leave behind this year?
2. What elements are missing from my life that I want to embrace this year?
3. During this month of Elul, what steps do I need to take to prepare for the High Holy days?
4. Who am I going to need to speak with to ask forgiveness?
5. What am I going to have to forgive myself for?
6. How can I utilize this time to prepare myself for the High Holy days?

Wishing you and your loved ones a Shanah Tovah U’Metukah, A Happy and Sweet New Year,

Rabbi Audrey S. Pollack

Filed under: Rabbi's Message

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